Recipe for extreme voter apathy

For this recipe you will require: Tories, Lib Dems, a country (ungoverned), rabid media outlets, foreign bank-rollers, a few bad eggs, a remote control.

Take one party that many people can't stand and Scottish people outright hate. Mix together with a party proposing outright "change" (undefined) creating a lightweight, fluffy broth. Mix in your bad eggs and proceed to drop all policies that appeal to the base of said parties (inheritance tax, scrapping Trident,etc) and bake for a little over a year on Gas Mark Mad. Be sure to slip in a major constitutional change regarding votes of no confidence whilst no one is looking…

Take out of the oven, scrape off all the dry flaky bits (Theresa May, David Laws, George 'Osborne into wealth I was') and cover with infighting, scandal and back door dealings. Season with thyme and then grill, using your rabid media outlets. Don't be surprised if said outlets are confused as to which party or parties to support, they've got vested interests in either or both as separate entities but will be scratching their heads over this new coalition soufflé.

Finally, after about a year and a half, cut what remains of the mixture from the baking tin and serve to the electorate alongside a Milliband of Labour. Choice will be 3 leaders, all Oxbridge educated upper class sorts, representing the supposed "new politics" and yet not so much as a sheet of greaseproof paper to be placed between them.

Add a dusting of self raising ego and watch the apathy rise before your eyes. Each time any are mentioned on your idiot box, use the remote control and proceed to lambast the state of British politics in general. Futile shaking of fist gesture entirely optional.

Its enough to make you want to eat your Greens instead.